Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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