God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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