its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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