Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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