Screwed.edu
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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