the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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