I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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