I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize