and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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