im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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