Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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