i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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