I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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