Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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