So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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