I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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