guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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