Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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