can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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