I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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