I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize