Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
please come you make the beer taste better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize