they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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