He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize