We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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