proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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