Your face is a jimmy john
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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