My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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