The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He has the fingertips of a God
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