just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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