Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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