Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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