I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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