On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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