If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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