All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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