If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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