I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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