theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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