Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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