dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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