The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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