apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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