if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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