Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
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Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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