That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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