Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize