gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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