bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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