The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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